Austerity in the Cheeseburger Eurozone

French fries, or German potato salad for the holiday weekend?

The state of Freecheezeburgerz is in the midst of it’s own Eurozone crisis. A high-ranking government official was seen leaving the kitchen talking about not being able to stand the heat. Traveling with that official was a male deer, a buck. The buck left here. It never stopped.

Austerity measures in the Cheeseburger Eurozone have been so severe that there are no potatoes. The Freecheezeburgerz intelligence service discovered a prominent display of a decades-old promise from France and Germany that there would be potatoes. In the meantime, the French and the Germans are demanding to know what the state of Freecheezeburgerz plans to do with the potatoes that do not exist. In return, both embassies have been pummeled with potato peelers.

A  poll shows that most citizens are not thinking about potatoes. They are thinking of cheeseburgers.

The Cheeseburger Economy

Cheeseburger eaters are the real American job creators.

The Freecheezeburgerz job creation test has shown that at least four jobs are created from every customer of the cheeseburger economy. This corporation’s research and development team used disruptive toppings, and discovered excellent prospects for creating lots of work when one customer in this test kitchen wanted a cheeseburger.

That cheeseburger led directly to four jobs created:

  • One person prepared the burger
  • One person cooked the burger
  • One person served the burger
  • One person cleaned up afterward


Freecheezeburgerz’s CEO touted this labor intensive boost to manufacturing. The cheeseburger economy has led to jobs also in innovation, art, and in some cases, engineering. Plus, of course, the big role of transportation and security.

So eat a cheeseburger and create four American jobs for yourself.

Fuzzy political math is fun, and tasty.

The IPO; When Bane-Of-My-Existence Capital Came To Town

The IPO of Free Cheezeburgerz went well, thanks for asking.

There was one share for sale and, as expected, the the one share sold for $0.01. But the next day the angel investor exited, causing the stock price to plummet. The net worth of the corporation is now best defined as starving. The mission statement now reads, “Find a free cheeseburger.”

At first, private equity was nice by helping fund the last Free Cheeseburger created in the kitchen. But then Bane-of-My-Existence Capital maneuvered a hostile takeover of the Free Cheeseburger, subsequently firing the all of the employee (not plural) of the firm and refusing to pay the promised pension of one Free Cheeseburger.

That’s what happened when Bane came to town.