Dale Earnhardt Jr. To Drive Chevy Volt In NASCAR Race & Save General Motors
May 28, 2009
The best t-shirt salesman in NASCAR, Dale Earnhardt Jr., is going to attempt to save General Motors this weekend in Dover by driving the one existing prototype of the Chevrolet Volt in the "Autism Speaks 400," Freecheezeburgerz has learned from fictitious unnamed sources.
"Hey, it's the real Car of Tomorrow," Earnhardt reportedly said after finishing in 40th place last week at the Lowe's Motor Speedway. Earnhardt, whose father was known as "The Intimidator," said that he wants to now be known as "The Innovator."
"General Motors believes Junior can sell the Cars of Tomorrow as well as he can sell those replica cars that every NASCAR fan has," said the new CEO of General Motors, Barack Obama.
Sources that don't exist have confirmed that Obama was the one who this week pressured Rick Hendrick to get Dale Jr. to his fire crew chief and his cousin, Tony Eury Jr..
"This is a change I can believe in," said Obama while watching Henry Paulson check the tire pressure on Earnhardt's Volt.
When asked if there was more to the government's plan for saving General Motors than having Dale Earnhardt Jr. drive a Volt at Dover, Obama said he'd answer after he watched Ben Bernake fix the banking system by working as a teller at a branch in Toledo, Ohio.
Whatzgonnahappen.com NFL PICKS + POLITICAL SATIRE!
FREECHEEZEBURGERZ FOR MONEY
My Store
Previous columns
Conspiracy Theories and such
Freecheezeburgerz - CURRENT COLUMN
Dale Earnhardt Jr. To Drive Chevy Volt In NASCAR Race
2009 NFL Mock Draft
Pittsburgh Pirates Recruiting Somali pirates
GM's Demise Caused By NASCAR Driver Kyle Busch
The AIG Bonus Letter To Executives Revealed
FEAR ITSELF Says "Boo!"
Manny Should Return To Cleveland
Ten New Sponsors For NASCAR
Obama Agrees To Manage NY Yankees
Scott Boras Will Get You A Multi-Year Deal!
Lebron Declares NY Is A Suburb Of Cleveland!
Pete The Plumber Is Pissed!
Sarah Palin Is A Robot!
Feds Bailout NY Yankees
Media Elite Apologizes To GOP, Promises No More Questions
NASCAR Will Borrow Rivalries From NFL
Non-Voters Hold Their Own Convention
Manny Ramirez Enters Every Olympic Event
Brett Favre's Old Sofa Talks To Greta Van Susteren
Lost Marbles In Two Acts
Vet This! How to Pick a Running Mate
NASCAR Crew Chief George W. Bush & Driver John Q. Public
NFL Draft - Analyzing Reggie Clinton, Reggie McCain & Reggie Obama
Goodbye Rocky Colavito's Curse
Roger Clemens Versus Barry Bonds - Movie Pitches
The Fake Tony Stewart "Goodyear-Is-My-Barber" Commercial
The Amy Winehouse Obama Song For Pittsburgh Pirates Fans
If The Presidential Candidates Entered The 2008 Daytona 500
Theory #3, Milk-or-Whiskey Democracy
Rules For Bad Bosses
Will Vote For Money
Bag O' Burgers #1
Theory #2 - Fenway Park
Theory #1 - Vick's Dogs
Freecheezeburgerz - CURRENT COLUMN
Other Stuff
What NASCAR Taught A Liberal About America - Election Day Column
Please Don't Build The Cape Cod Wind Farm
Lyrics
Freecheezeburgerz - CURRENT COLUMN
PERSPECTIVE EXPLAINS EVERYTHING
|
