Ten New Sponsors For NASCAR
Friday, February 13, 2009
Economic reality has forced NASCAR to allow 10 new sponsors and vehicles into this year’s Daytona 500, Freecheezeburgerz has learned from fictional sources.
Since the car companies are near bankruptcy and many traditional sponsors are there with them, NASCAR is thinking outside of the box while trying to continue to expand the motor sport into all realms of society.
The new entrants in the Daytona 500 are…
1) The STEROIDS Tank with Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Alex Rodriguez, Marion Jones and any random bicycling team as the logo on the side of the car, and on the hood will be the tank gun looking like a needle.
2) The CEO GOLDEN PARACHUTE Chariot, pulled by taxpayers.
3) The MICHAEL PHELPS BONG La-Z-Boy in which the driver finds the inspiration to win eight gold medals and then write a rap album while eating cookies.
4) The FERTILITY DRUG Minivan stops every nine months to pick up more passengers.
5) The PONZI SCHEME Pyramid just sits on the track while rich Americans drive by throwing money on it.
6) The JENNIFER ANNISTON Limousine improves ratings because studies show that her face sells magazines and movies, so why not a race?
7) The LEBRON NY RUMOR Yacht is a houseboat for many media types who notice that Lebron James is the best driver in the world.
8) The MANNY RAMIREZ Zeppelin is up in space but if it can afford to turn down $25 million a year, it can afford to sponsor a car.
9) The FANTASY ISLAND Rolls Royce because it is the last country on Earth with money.
10) The FREECHEEZEBURGERZ bicycle rides in the opposite direction on the track because I think that would make the race infinitely more interesting.
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